Beware of Mr Wobbly

27/08/2004 07:25  - (SA)  

"Cape Town is being terrorized by a vigilante who locals have dubbed 'The Tattoo Artist'. In the last two weeks, he has struck four times. On Tuesday night, at approximately 11pm, the infamous Tattoo Artist claimed another victim.

"This time, the masked avenger caught Clinton Montgomery, 17, drugged him with chloroform, and left his usual calling card - the words "Hello Mr Wobbly!" tattooed across his victim's forehead.

"Montgomery, from Constantia, one of Cape Town's notoriously poor Southern Suburbs, is the fifth teenager to suffer at the hands of the unknown vigilante.

"The vigilante appears to target young graffiti artists. In each case, the victim has been found unconscious among a litter of aerosol paint cans. "Mrs Joy Montgomery (35ish), Clinton's mother, was outraged at her son's fate. 'How will Clinton ever be able to show his face at school again? His life has been ruined. "All the kids laugh when they see him, and they actually shout out "Hello Mr Wobbly!" when he walks into class!'"

Alas. This is all fiction. But sometimes I wish I could be the Tattoo Artist, and teach a hard lesson or two to the sods messing up the walls of my neighborhood.

There's a lovely little community swimming pool down the road from my house, and the council took some trouble to paint two beautifully simple murals on the walls facing the road.

For a few days, it was a great sight - dozens of little kids frolicking in the water, against the stylized backdrop of a figure swimming through some azure water.

Now, it looks like the inside of a subway, thanks to the work of a bunch of bastards with spray cans. Sorry, not bastards - graffiti "artists".

Yeah, right. That's like calling the guy who paints the yellow lines on the road an artist. Just as with the world of fine art, there are some who deserve to be called artists, and some who just make the world an uglier place for others.

Just as for every William Kentridge there are thousands of would-be artists painting cute dolphins jumping against the sunset, for every Falko or Sky1 there are thousands of pimply teens sublimating their frustrations by daubing paint onto their daddy's garage door.

I'm entirely on the side of graffiti artists who tag places that have a political resonance. If you're tagging the side of a police station, or the walls of parliament, fine.

I don't have to like what you're doing, but at least you've got balls. But defacing the walls of some kids' swimming pool that exists to serve your own community?

No. And if you actually have something worth saying, and your message is about HIV/Aids, or poverty, or outrage at the government, more power to you - but your stupid NAME?

That's why I'd find it extremely amusing if there WAS a vigilante called the Tattoo Artist. I wonder if a graffiti artist would understand that I was expressing my personal artistic needs and my inner rage if I tattooed "Hello Mr Wobbly!" on his face?